was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
