You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
