Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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