The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
