Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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