His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
