Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
