You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
