Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
