Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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