did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
