i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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