Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
