he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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