doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
