Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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