I'm drive I can fine osifer
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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