No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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