Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
