Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
