Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
