I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
