I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
