we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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