I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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