I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
