I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
