seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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