I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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