I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
