I accidentally had phone sex last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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