And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
