please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
