so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
