But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
50% drunk capacity currently
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
