Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
