No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
