i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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