I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
