He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
