I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
