He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
