He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
