All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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