Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
