so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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