Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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