I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
