Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
