I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
