Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sarcasm needs its own font
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
