dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
